You're responsible for your actions. Cheers.

I could make this part of "Happy Waitress", but this extends past the customer/server relationship and things that go down at a bar. This is about being responsible for your actions and not putting the blame on everyone but yourself.

Recently, the restaurant that I occasionally work at lost their liquor license. Without getting into the details of why the license is gone, the subject came up of a girl drinking underage there with a fake ID....then getting behind the wheel of a car and killing herself because she was drunk.

I feel this way: you drink, you drive, you die=all your problems.

Should someone be served underage? No, they shouldn't. Same as people shouldn't be jeopardizing the license of a bar by providing a fake ID. And before you say it, no, I never had a fake ID. I never snuck into a bar, and the first time I partied at any of the bars at my college, I was legit 21. Now that that's out of the way....

If you're providing a fake ID and you get away with it, you have successfully put the bar you're drinking at in danger of losing its license, and the bartender in danger of losing their job/being fined a shit load of money. But what do you care because you really need to be cool and be at a bar with your friends. You bad ass person you.

Ok, so you're drinking at the bar with your fake ID...you have one too many...do you get behind the wheel? Of course you do, because you've proven how stupid you are in the first place by 1. using a fake ID and 2. getting drunk while using it. You didn't suddenly become intelligent and decide to hand your keys over to someone else...

So you get behind the wheel and you get into a car accident.

And you die.

The restaurant loses its license, is fined a bunch of money and the bartender is arrested. All because of YOUR choice to drink underage, provide a fake ID and then drive drunk. And die.

Is the restaurant your mother? Why should they hold your hand? Your ID looked real and they didn't have a scanner. You got served because you decided to deceive the bartender.

How is your death the bartender's fault? How is it the restaurant's?

Did the bartender hold a gun to your head and take you to get a fake ID? Did the owner of the restaurant force you to drink so much that you should never have gotten behind the wheel of a car? Did the staff at this restaurant insist that you drive the car?

No. No. and NO.

Your choice. You're responsible.

You died and no one should feel sorry for you.

Learn from your story? Sure. Feel sorry for you? Why?

If you had killed someone else and walked away untouched, people would insist that you should've died instead.

So now you're dead and because of your stupid, juvenile actions, a restaurant loses business and money...and now their servers lose money...maybe that money was paying for school or for a child that they have...maybe now they have to depend on the state or the government resulting in higher taxes...or maybe they get stuck without the education they were paying for because they can't get financial aid or a job since there basically are no jobs out there.

All because you needed to look cool with your fake ID and drink and drive.

You got what you deserve. I refuse to feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for all of the people you affected. Because even though no one was in that car besides you, you hurt plenty of people.

Cheers.

Lebron's Interview:The Trainwreck

This is a direct quote from the Lebron James interview that just took place where he announced he will be joining Miami Heat. This quote took place before he announced his choice. Let's play: what the fuck is wrong with this guy?


Jim: Out of the 6 teams that you sat down with, does the team that you are going to, know your decision?

Lebron: I just told them.

Here's why this is bad......you just told them? Well guess what buddy, now every team that you sat down with that doesn't have an answer from you KNOWS your answer is "no"....they now know that since they didn't receive a call from you, you won't be joining them.

And you know what Jimmy? Shame on you for asking such a boneheaded question!!! He's an athlete!! He doesn't know how to interview/speak. WTF were you thinking? You should be thinking for him and not setting traps. You're not Oprah interviewing Obama. It's a damn basketball player for crying out loud!! His job is to put the ball in the hoop, not do math!!!

This whole interview was a clusterfuck. There was no banter, it was: ask a question, get an answer, move on to the next question.

And who says this???: "Lebron, are you still a nailbiter?....because everyone around you has been biting their nails waiting for your answer."

Are. You. SERIOUS?!?!

Jimmy, how the hell did you score this interview? You asked the dumbest questions, you set him up (and didn't realize it despite the fact that it's your JOB), you were boring and you looked bored.

ESPN set up "The Decision" like crazy with Lebron looking up, arms outstretched. All that was missing was the crucifix. And yet, the thought that Jim Nantz was a good choice?

Worst interview ever. I would rather hear Barbara Walters ask Katharine Hepburn what kind of tree she thinks she is, then to ever hear this guy ask another question ever again.

As I'm wrapping up this blog I'm listening to Lebron say:

"Lebron has to do what makes Lebron happy."

Hope you're happy. Worst interview ever. I never want you or Jim to speak again. Ever. Thanks. xo.

Reply to all if all cares. All doesn't. Trust me.

File this under something a box of hair could do and therefore, if you can't, you're dumber than a box of hair. That's pretty dumb.

Welcome to the wonderful world of email. Where everyone thinks everything that have to say is interesting. If it's that interesting, start a blog.

This afternoon my blackberry has died. Why? Because the battery got drained to death because of the lovely "reply all feature".

It all started when an email was sent out from a group asking for volunteers. This group only cares about themselves so helping them isn't exactly on my list. Regardless, for some reason they have me on their mailing list. I don't reply, I don't say anything. I delete the email.

All of a sudden I start receiving emails from everyone on the list...I go back to my delete box and hit "reply all" to the email to see just how many people were on this list. Hint for everyone: just because it's BCC doesn't mean I don't know who's on the list. Hit "reply all" and tada, you can see every last email address. Didn't know that did you?

I see that the list is way to fucking long for me to process. I hit a "reply all" and implore (nicely) that people stop hitting that button to be removed from the list of if they have something to say. For instance, I couldn't give a rat's ass about little Johnny's graduation that will make it impossible for you to attend. Doesn't affect me at all so why did you reply all? It's not interesting and I don't care. So, "reply all" doesn't apply here.

That's the email I replied all to, asking that people refrain from doing that. Thank you.

Now my phone is dead. That's how many replies I received.

I replied to these people individually asking them not to reply all. You know what they said??????

"Stop emailing me".

Really? Fucking really? You're the one that replied all. You're the one that asked for it. You are dumber than a box of fucking hair!!!!

I'm also receiving a ton of emails that say "take me off the list"...when I hit "reply all" I see that they are sending this to multiple people. Why? Do you even know who I am? Probably not. In fact, I would guess that the people that sent the email in the first place don't know who I am because if that were the case I wouldn't be on the mailing list.

When someone emails everyone and asks them to lay off the reply all feature, don't respond. There's no response necessary. Read it, take it in, and fucking do it. Don't tell them to stop emailing you...don't tell them to take you off a list...don't tell them not to reply all when that's what you fucking did and exactly why you were being emailed IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

That's it. You're dumber than a box of hair...maybe one step above a pile of lawn clippings. And if you reply all one more fucking time, I'm sending porn to your computer at work (which I know you're at) and a virus to crash your computer.

So reply all one more time fucker. Watch what happens next.

Stupid box of hair.

I'm a dog

I have always been a dog person. I've never really gotten along with people. Mostly because I have trust issues and I'm a little high maintenance. That said, I never expect from people what I wouldn't give. I will toot my own horn and say that I break my back for those I care about but if you cross me or treat me like a doormat, I turn into a pitbull. I will go for your jugular, chew you to pieces and spit you out. I'm ruthless.

When I meet someone I don't care about first impressions. You get about 4 meetings to show me who you are. During that time, I'm cautious...I'm a poodle. I'm a total snob and you probably think I'm a bitch. I'm not. I'm just learning you and figuring out if you're worth my time. Because I know, that in me, you will have the best friend you ever wanted, but I won't waste that energy on people that suck.

If I'm your friend, I'm golden retriever. Ironically, I own two of them. I am loyal and will always have your back. I'm faithful and will stand by you whenever you need me. I listen when you have something to say. I'm excited when I see you. I'm dependable and you can run to me at 3am in a snowstorm. I'll be there. I'll keep you company. I'll show my teeth to people that threaten you. I won't play fetch, but I'll pick up the bar tab.

The only thing that's different is when you suddenly aren't my friend. Suddenly you're shady like a poodle I just met. You're aloof, you worry only about yourself, and you're suddenly not willing (and you never were, I just didn't know because I was too busy being your friend and caring about you) to go the distance and be there for me. You'd rather sacrifice the friendship then deal with the work it takes to maintain it. Or....you fucked me over. You acted like a cat and said shit behind my back. For the record, if dogs could talk, they wouldn't gossip. Cats would. I'm allergic to them.

A golden would let this go. A golden would let you do just about anything and keep coming back hoping you would love it.

I'm a pit bull. I'm a rottweiler. You cross me and I'll fuck you up. I'll attack, never worry about the consequences....I'll know I was right. I'll know you had a good thing and you let it go. I would've fought for you, been there and done anything for you. But unlike the golden, if you punch me in the mouth, you're going to get my teeth.

But if people were more like goldens, you would never see the attack dogs.

My goldens show their teeth when they feel I'm in danger. If I was attacked, I'm sure they would bite. But they are always there and they will always take my side even when I'm wrong.

I'm 90% golden. If you cross me, I'm one of those dogs you see put down in shelters. The ones that showed their teeth and the ones that clamp down on those that hurt them.

Maybe if you were more of a golden, I would've been less of a pit.

People like her make me hate the human race

This is my car after the snowstorm i.e. Blizzard of Biblical Proportions i.e. a lot of fucking snow. This picture was taken around 8am, less than 12 hours after the snow stopped. The car to the left belongs to my better half, is a stick shift and is equally as buried. My better half works in Manhattan...clearly we do not live there. Look at all of the trees. See?

This morning, I cleared out my car because I have to go to work this evening. The shoveling included the snow behind my car that was put there by the plows around 4am this morning. An hour and a half later, my car was clear. My better half left for Manhattan at 7am this morning in his other car, leaving the one pictured under two feet of snow. Whatever, he doesn't need it until Saturday anyway...and since he works 8,000 jobs, he isn't going to get to shovel it before this weekend, and since I do as well, neither will I...I shoveled what I could but I thought I was going to die so I stopped.

Anyway....around 1pm today they started bulldozing the snow and they knocked on my door asking me to move my cars. I explained that while I could move mine, I cannot move the other as it is a stick shift, and I don't have a set of keys. Why would I? It's a stick, which again, I cannot drive. They say- Ok.. (reluctantly) and leave. I call my better half and inform him just so he knows what is going on. I ask him to call the president of the board (We live in a condo community) and tell him "thanks for the notice about moving our cars"...and then...


.....and then this blonde troll like woman on the board comes over. She explains that both cars have to be moved. I explain that I can move mine but not the other as 1. it is stick 2. I don't drive stick and 3. I don't have keys...because...see number 2.

She tells me she's going to tow his car. I explain that I will sue her if she does that. She tells me to go ahead.

No problem. I'm no stranger to the Court system (because I worked around one for 6 years..) and I'll gladly take this to civil court.

She's writing down my license plate and his...and um, I guess she forgot that I said I would be moving my car. I ask her again if she's planning on towing his car because if she said yes, I'm calling the cops. She says "yes". Great. I dial 911 and the cops arrived in less than 2 minutes. Very impressive.

In between then the bulldozing snow crew who all were very nice offer to move my better half's car...and I explain that I do not have the keys because I don't drive stick. At this point, I've called said better half so he can hear everything that is going on, while he is at work, in the city, doing something slightly more important than yelling at me to move a car that I can't fucking drive.

I move my car and tell the snow crew they can push the other car if they want, which they decline because it might be in gear or whatever. I don't know, I don't speak "stick".

During this time, said blonde troll from the board is screaming at me that the rules are in the guidelines, etc. I tell her that we would've moved our cars this morning had we known about the plowing...which she tells me she couldn't have predicted..and what was she supposed to do, "notify everyone?".

IT'S YOUR FUCKING JOB THAT YOU SIGNED UP FOR. Yes, notify people that plowing will take place on the 11th, so if people could move their cars before that, that would be super.

But no, they didn't do that. Why? Because blondie says "it's in the bi-laws" and she "doesn't have to"...and "doesn't have time to call everyone" and "115 other people were able to move their cars".

To which I say "115 other people had the luxury of staying home today to do that".

WTF kind of stupid comments does this woman think she is making?!?!?!

Cops show up, calm everything down, but explain to me that she can tow the car if it's in the bi-laws. I say that there were 5 snowstorms last year and we never moved our cars once. This was also not the first storm this year and we have not moved our cars. Furthermore, if she had called last night to tell everyone that plowing would take place today, we could have moved our cars this morning...to which she says, and this is my favorite:

"Where would you have moved them? Everything was covered in snow."

BINGO YOU INSIPID TROLL. Nowhere! Why not? Because you didn't plow until the middle of the workday. You gave us no place to put our cars in advance of plowing and only provided a place at 1pm when most people are at work. It is not my problem that the rest of the complex got to sit on their asses at home again today and therefore were able to move their cars.

I also explain that we were at the last homeowner's meeting, and while she may have been on the board for the past ten year's, she wasn't there...and during that meeting we discussed snow removal, using a different company, etc...but we never discussed moving cars...and since we never moved them once during the 5 storms last year you would think that if this was an issue or a rule, it might come up. It didn't. And when I say this, what does this woman say? "We don't have to, it's in the bi-laws"....

And round and round we go. She agrees to only fine us $50 and she won't tow the car. Gee, how big of you. Where is that $50 going? In your pocket I assume because you totally picked a number off the top of your head. When I asked the fine you stared off into space and then decided on a number. Unreal.

People like her make me hate the human race. There was no reason for all of that drama. There was no reason for her attitude and her threats. There was no reason that police officers had to waste their time with that when there are people in real trouble with this storm. None.

The car can't be moved- we weren't given notice and even if we were, there was nowhere (ADMITTED BY MISS "I'VE BEEN ON THE BOARD FOR TEN YEARS") to even move our cars until the middle of the work day. How you can't look at this situation and see that there is no fair way to deal with this and just say "look- I know this is impossible, so just in the future, can you move your car and we'll look into a place you can move it...or we'll figure something out and talk it over with the board", is beyond me. Why this woman insisted that she was right just by citing the "rules" is unbelievable.

But you better believe this isn't over. No one talks to me like she did and absolutely I'll be at that next board meeting and writing letters until then.

Damn I hope she reads this.

Eat Something.

Too thin for the drugs she was taking for her anemia.

So a drug overdose? Not really. The LA Coroner says that her death was "preventable" if she had seen a doctor instead of taking all of that over-the-counter medication. As of right now, reports say the drugs weren't illegal but a full report will be available in two weeks.

Everyone that wanted to believe she didn't die due to a drug overdose can rest easy, sort of. I mean, technically she did...but that overdose could have been avoided if she had gone to the doctor or her body had been in the shape it needed to be in to handle the anemia.

But it wasn't in the right shape, in fact, it was too thin.

This girl came into Hollywood as the cute, adorable, bubbly actress...and then we watched her wither away before our eyes. Not unlike Lindsay Lohan, Rachel McAdams, or other Hollywood starlets. Now, in part due to her thin frame, she is dead.

I'm guessing this won't be a wake up call to the actresses that choose to eat white powder instead of actual food. Which is a shame. I am all for being thin and staying in shape. I constantly am baffled with how out of shape the general American population is...especially by the ones that make excuses about their "thyroid" and then take the escalator instead of the stairs every single time. But the thinness of some of these girls is ridiculous.

I get that there is pressure in this industry, but wow....there are so many actresses that are in good shape (not where I can see their bones) and doing well. Curvy actresses like Scarlett Johanson, Eva Mendes, Salma Hayek...all doing well and eating. I can't understand why actresses feel the need to look like a rack of bones and then consume drug after drug after drug. I don't care if they are prescription, over the counter or illegal. How stupid can you possibly be?

Furthermore, how much do you take your own life and everything you have for granted? Do you have problems? Yes...but I'm guessing the guy on the streets of NYC, living in a box in the snow that doesn't eat because he can't afford to, has slightly bigger issues than you.

Pay a shrink, buy some friends, go shopping, take a vacation...spend whatever money you need to get some help in a form other than white powder. Your problems are inconsequential and a laugh to the dad that just lost his job and has to support his entire family...or to the couple who lost their only child to a drunk driver....or to the business owner that declared bankruptcy and is now living on the streets.

You all can afford doctors and the best care in the world. You all have a life that so many envy and wish they could attain, yet never will. You all accepted the stress that comes with being "a star". Deal with it better.

Tim Tebow should stick to football.

Tim Tebow is currently under fire for putting together a "pro-life" commercial that he was hoping CBS would air during the superbowl. The 30 second spot would cost about $2.5 million and no, not a dime came out of Timmy's pockets. Furthermore, the Jaguars, who are said to be the team interested in the quarterback when the draft comes around, has supported him. Today, so did the NY Times...sort of.

I, for one, am now even happier that Alabama killed Florida and made Timmy cry. And if I owned a football team, there is no way I would extend an offer to him because Lord knows what he would say when wearing a jersey for my team. Shut up and play football.

I have no problem with people stating their views but I do have a problem with them being forced on me. It is bad enough that he preaches anytime a mic is put in front of his face, but now this?

Let me ask you something Timmy...do Atheists have the right to say "there is no God" if they are handed a mic? I'm guessing you don't think so. What about a commercial advocating being pro-choice? What if one of your teammates was a Satan-worshiper and everytime he won a game, he thanked the prince of darkness? Would that jive with you? No? OK, so why do you push your beliefs on everyone else?

This commercial is ridiculous and no one needs to see it. Tim says that his mother is supportive of it and the reason for that? Because she was urged to have an abortion and didn't...and now we have Tim Tebow, the great quarterback. Ok, super. If she did have the abortion, I guess this commercial wouldn't even be on the table...and what if Timmy had become a low-life drug dealer? Would Pam constantly wish that she had that abortion?

Look, I don't care if you're conservative or not, religious or not, but putting a commercial on the air preaching these views is unacceptable. Even more unacceptable is the fact that the commercial is not being funded directly by Tebow, but by "several generous sources". Who are these people? Why aren't they publishing their names? Why the secret? How can you put that kind of money being something and then hide? Aren't you proud of what you're saying and what you belief? What cowards.

This whole thing is a joke. There is no place for a commercial like this. You live your life the way you want and I will live mine the way that I want. I don't judge you and you are welcome to be pro-life all you want....but you have no right to tell others to do the same. It's ridiculous how it's always, always, the pro-lifers preaching and judging...pro-life yet pro-death penalty in the same breath.

Shut up you preachy fools. Save your values for your own home. Raise your family with them. Do whatever you want.

Just don't interrupt a football game, or any other program on television with your views. We aren't listening and you may as well have just set $2.5 million on fire...because if this commercial were to air, trust me...no woman is going to change her mind about having an abortion because she might just give birth to the next college superstar quarterback.

Happy Waitress: This required no effort. I just twinkled my nose.

In the restaurant I work in, we offer a to-go service...it's become more and more popular with actual food places so you aren't restricted to McD's, White Castle (though OMG their pulled pork=heaven), and Burger King. There is a very large difference between restaurants and fast food places...and that difference is?

I get $2.13 an hour whether you get to-go or sit down at my bar or at a table...while their workers..um...get more. Which means, the proper thing to do, is tip. If you don't tip, I essentially worked for free. Let me break it down for you.

You probably think I had nothing to do with this order. After all, all you do is call up, place your order, and then when you show up it's there for you to pay for and take it home. Would you like to know what happens in between all of that? Awesome, because I'm going to tell you.

You call up and I answer the phone. I take your order which is very difficult. Why? Because while you're sitting on your ass at home trying to figure out what to order, I'm trying to manage my actual customers at the bar that will indeed tip me. Unlike customers at a table, I can't say to you: "are you ready or do you need a few minutes to decide?"...so how about this. Decide and then call. Don't give me "um" this and "hm" that...and please don't have a conversation with your friends about what they want while I'm on the phone. I don't have time for that. The menu is online and you know if you pulled this shit with a Chinese restaurant they would go moo-goo-gai pan on your ass and hang up the phone. Get it together and then call.

So while everyone at my bar is on hold, as well as all of the girls on the floor who need drinks for their tables, I'm waiting on you to decide what you want and then tell me so I can place your order. Once that is done, I have taken your order and told you my name so you know who to ask for when you come in.

When your order comes out of the kitchen, I double check it and I put it in bags. I print out the checks- draw little hearts on it and staple it together. When you come in, I have to ignore everyone at the bar (again) and all of the girls who need drinks (again) to get you your order.

So...when I hand you your order, with your check, why don't you tip me? I took your order as if you were here eating...I got it from the kitchen...as if you were here eating....I put it together and got you your check...as if you were here eating...and I took your money for the bill...as if you were here eating. I do the same amount of work and ignore other people for you (other people that tip me) so where the fuck do you get off racking up a $75.00 bill and not tipping me. I didn't just twinkle my nose and have everything appear.

I understand that people don't get it...which is why I put this here...I admit that I was stupid like this too once...but I'll take it further...

This past Sunday the Jets lost...I mean played a super great game (and lost- oh well they suck anyway and Sanchez can bite me) and the restaurant was packed. OMG packed. I've never been so swamped ever...thankfully I was being the bar with another competent bartender...however, we received at least $1,000 of to-go orders with no tips. NONE. There was a line out the door of to-go orders and I could barely walk away from the phone for more than two seconds (because more orders were coming in) to deal with any of them. So, between me and the other girl behind the bar, we were running around like crazy.

Let me tell you what is the most annoying thing in the world...when people CHARGE a to-go order and then put a BIG line through the "tip" line. That's a conscious decision to NOT tip. You are TELLING me that we did nothing.

It got to the point where people were cutting in line and I finally had to put someone in their place and use them to make a point to everyone else....I said..

"Go to the back of the line"...and he said he was in a rush...and I lost it...so it went a little something like this:

"I do not care that you are in a rush. We are dealing with over a thousand dollars of to-go orders and yet no one feels it necessary to tip either of us and we're splitting tips as is...so we are now working for the girls on the floor because they tip us out at the end of the night. If you want my attention, start throwing down money.Otherwise, walk your ass to the back of the line and wait for your turn to pick up a hundred dollars worth of food that just magically appeared so you can justify not tipping me!"

Here's the deal: when you pick up to-go orders, the same exact work that goes into taking care of you while you're there, goes on when you are not. Tip at LEAST 10%. MINIMUM....especially if we're crazy busy. We make less than $3 an hour. So keep that in mind next time you call me for something to-go.

The Happy Waitress: What the $#^% is wrong with you?!

There really is no better subject line for this week's "Happy Waitress" column, and after you're done reading this, I'm sure you will agree.

I've been through this before: I can spot a bad tipper/group of bad tippers when they walk in the door. So can any other waitress with 1 day on the floor. Yes they have a certain "way" about them and most times they fall into certain categories. This category would be "high school kids who have parents that didn't teach them manners and now it's too late because they are 17 and know absolutely everything..there um...ever was to know. Ever."

I made the mistake of taking this table (I had the chance to pass, but thought I didn't know my own intuition as well as I really absolutely do) of 13 high school brats last week. This blog is long overdue, so my apologies. They came in, loud, obnoxious, high on "OMG it's Christmas/New Year's Break and even though we can't drink, we probably do but it's OK cause we're like sooo cool and acting like jackasses makes us....um...COOLER!!!" Yeah!! Dance of coolness ensues.

Cut to drink order: water, water, water, water, water, water......water. So, as if their actions already as they entered the restaurant didn't scream "you ain't gettin' NO tip from us!", this just hammered in the last nail to the coffin. I bring over 3-4 pitches of water, glasses and straws. I already have plenty of tables and another party of 15, so I won't have time to go to the table, get a refill for someone and then bring it back only to hear that two more people want refills. There's no possible way to do it. None.

Before I even take their dinner order (extremely difficult because they are having a full blown conversation over the orders..um...can you shut up please?) they are asking if we're having that special we typically have that night.

Of course we are. Otherwise, your cheap asses probably wouldn't be here. Can I get you another water with that?

They all order the special. The special is an all you can eat special, which I translate to "all I can run back and forth from their table to the kitchen all night". Every single order that comes out I make sure the table, which they have now expanded to THREE tables, is clear so they have room to eat. They always have enough water and they always have enough clean plates. In fact, they never have to ask for anything. I'm good like that. I don't want my customers to have to ask, I can read their minds, and I'm happy to do it...not for free...but I'm happy to do it.

As the evening progresses (you know they were there for close to four hours, taking up all of my time and most of my tables) I see that their cups are red. Water, as we all know is um...clear. So eventually they come clean that they've been daring each other to "drink that"...some mix of water, hot sauce, pepper, salt and whatever else they could find on the table. So I get the lovely task of clearing all of the cups (reminder: that's 13) and bringing out all new cups as well as new pitchers (4) of.....WATER. As I'm listening to them tell me that "he started it", and ask for more water (WHAT THE $#*@ DO YOU THINK I'M DOING AT YOUR TABLE GENIUS?!) I stop them all and tell them that no, I am not their mother. I am their waitress. I do not have time to babysit them and they are making my job way harder than it actually has to be. Furthermore, now the people in the back have to take time to wash all of these cups that were perfectly fine to begin with because they decided to play a game of "let's see who will drink this." They "apologize" and I tell them to put all of the cups to the table behind them and I will bring out new everything. Before I can even walk away they are already ordering their next round of "all they can possibly eat ever"...Dude- REALLY?! I'm trying to clean up your &*%&ing mess- you can wait a hot second.

So I bring back everything I said I would and then ask them for their next order. In the midst of this I hear the following, "HE WON'T SHARE THE WATER WITH ME!" Damn, your parents must be proud. I look over there, exclaim that they must be kidding me and that, again, I'm not their mother so this is not my problem. Four or five courses later, and after the floor is COVERED with chicken bones, wrappers, straws, and the contents of a pinata, they want the check.

I can't wait to see how right I am.

The bill: $237.00...once the discount for these punk ass bitches is applied, the bill is under $200. I'm handed a wad of cash and asked to count it to make sure it's right.

Half the group walks out the door and I then point out to them that they handed me the right amount assuming they only wanted to tip me $3.

WHAT THE &#$% IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

I no longer care and walk up to the remaining group of pointless losers that will depend on their parents until they are 40, and contribute to this crap ass New Jersey/American soceity that we already live in and hear them ask if a tip was left. I explain to them that yes, I was tipped $3. That they each couldn't even have left a DOLLAR for me to come CLOSE to 10%. I then tell them that they never needed anything, were rude, that I have to clean up after their mess and that their crap kept me from other tables during the evening which didn't help my tips with others. They got the best they could have gotten and for what? Why on Earth do worthless children with parents that obviously sucked at raising them deserve such good service?

One guy hands me $5, says he's really sorry and that's all that he can afford.

Nice gesture but McDonald's is across the street. No tipping necessary there. Oh, and there are wings in the convenience store next to us for the future. Go there.

Then, yes, it keeps going, one of them has the audacity to ask for another round of all he can eat and I tell him that the offer is over at 11pm. It's 11:07. He asks if there's anything I can possibly do...to which I say...depends how much you possibly tipped. Oh wait, nothing? So no, I can't help you. Get out and never come back.

Where on Earth do you get off asking a favor after tipped $3 on a $181 bill that was originally $237? Where? Let me guess, when you're in a bind, mommy and daddy swoop in with credit cards don't they? There's a reality show waiting for you somewhere I'm sure.

They leave, I have $8 from that bill. I guarantee they will never come back.

Although, they are that stupid so they just might. I hope they sit with me....