Thursday, June 3, 2010

Reply to all if all cares. All doesn't. Trust me.

File this under something a box of hair could do and therefore, if you can't, you're dumber than a box of hair. That's pretty dumb.

Welcome to the wonderful world of email. Where everyone thinks everything that have to say is interesting. If it's that interesting, start a blog.

This afternoon my blackberry has died. Why? Because the battery got drained to death because of the lovely "reply all feature".

It all started when an email was sent out from a group asking for volunteers. This group only cares about themselves so helping them isn't exactly on my list. Regardless, for some reason they have me on their mailing list. I don't reply, I don't say anything. I delete the email.

All of a sudden I start receiving emails from everyone on the list...I go back to my delete box and hit "reply all" to the email to see just how many people were on this list. Hint for everyone: just because it's BCC doesn't mean I don't know who's on the list. Hit "reply all" and tada, you can see every last email address. Didn't know that did you?

I see that the list is way to fucking long for me to process. I hit a "reply all" and implore (nicely) that people stop hitting that button to be removed from the list of if they have something to say. For instance, I couldn't give a rat's ass about little Johnny's graduation that will make it impossible for you to attend. Doesn't affect me at all so why did you reply all? It's not interesting and I don't care. So, "reply all" doesn't apply here.

That's the email I replied all to, asking that people refrain from doing that. Thank you.

Now my phone is dead. That's how many replies I received.

I replied to these people individually asking them not to reply all. You know what they said??????

"Stop emailing me".

Really? Fucking really? You're the one that replied all. You're the one that asked for it. You are dumber than a box of fucking hair!!!!

I'm also receiving a ton of emails that say "take me off the list"...when I hit "reply all" I see that they are sending this to multiple people. Why? Do you even know who I am? Probably not. In fact, I would guess that the people that sent the email in the first place don't know who I am because if that were the case I wouldn't be on the mailing list.

When someone emails everyone and asks them to lay off the reply all feature, don't respond. There's no response necessary. Read it, take it in, and fucking do it. Don't tell them to stop emailing you...don't tell them to take you off a list...don't tell them not to reply all when that's what you fucking did and exactly why you were being emailed IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

That's it. You're dumber than a box of hair...maybe one step above a pile of lawn clippings. And if you reply all one more fucking time, I'm sending porn to your computer at work (which I know you're at) and a virus to crash your computer.

So reply all one more time fucker. Watch what happens next.

Stupid box of hair.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

I'm a dog

I have always been a dog person. I've never really gotten along with people. Mostly because I have trust issues and I'm a little high maintenance. That said, I never expect from people what I wouldn't give. I will toot my own horn and say that I break my back for those I care about but if you cross me or treat me like a doormat, I turn into a pitbull. I will go for your jugular, chew you to pieces and spit you out. I'm ruthless.

When I meet someone I don't care about first impressions. You get about 4 meetings to show me who you are. During that time, I'm cautious...I'm a poodle. I'm a total snob and you probably think I'm a bitch. I'm not. I'm just learning you and figuring out if you're worth my time. Because I know, that in me, you will have the best friend you ever wanted, but I won't waste that energy on people that suck.

If I'm your friend, I'm golden retriever. Ironically, I own two of them. I am loyal and will always have your back. I'm faithful and will stand by you whenever you need me. I listen when you have something to say. I'm excited when I see you. I'm dependable and you can run to me at 3am in a snowstorm. I'll be there. I'll keep you company. I'll show my teeth to people that threaten you. I won't play fetch, but I'll pick up the bar tab.

The only thing that's different is when you suddenly aren't my friend. Suddenly you're shady like a poodle I just met. You're aloof, you worry only about yourself, and you're suddenly not willing (and you never were, I just didn't know because I was too busy being your friend and caring about you) to go the distance and be there for me. You'd rather sacrifice the friendship then deal with the work it takes to maintain it. fucked me over. You acted like a cat and said shit behind my back. For the record, if dogs could talk, they wouldn't gossip. Cats would. I'm allergic to them.

A golden would let this go. A golden would let you do just about anything and keep coming back hoping you would love it.

I'm a pit bull. I'm a rottweiler. You cross me and I'll fuck you up. I'll attack, never worry about the consequences....I'll know I was right. I'll know you had a good thing and you let it go. I would've fought for you, been there and done anything for you. But unlike the golden, if you punch me in the mouth, you're going to get my teeth.

But if people were more like goldens, you would never see the attack dogs.

My goldens show their teeth when they feel I'm in danger. If I was attacked, I'm sure they would bite. But they are always there and they will always take my side even when I'm wrong.

I'm 90% golden. If you cross me, I'm one of those dogs you see put down in shelters. The ones that showed their teeth and the ones that clamp down on those that hurt them.

Maybe if you were more of a golden, I would've been less of a pit.