Monday, December 14, 2009
As I pull into the parking lot I noticed a line of handicap spots along my right side. About 9 to be exact. The last handicap spot at the sports store was all the way in the back of the lot.
Am I missing something here? Isn't the point of the handicap spots to get those that are disabled as close to the entrance as humanely possible? Don't people park in these spots that aren't handicap because they are too lazy to walk from a spot designated for them?
Furthermore, it's a sports shop. Tell me why you need 9 handicap parking spots which count for almost a third of the spots there!
And no, no one was parked in any of these spots. During the holiday season when you're not necessarily shopping for yourself, no one was parked in these spots.
My guess is, because if there were any handicap shoppers there, they would be better off parking in a spot that isn't designated for anyone. Because those spots are a hell of a lot closer to the door.
If you insist on having 9 parking spots for those that are handicapped, why not make the first couple of spots in each row for these people? What happens if the first 5 or 6 are taken and the rest of the parking lot is full? So someone in a wheelchair has to park practically on the highway?
I don't know who thought of this parking lot or who approved it or which person is the bigger moron. All I know is if I was in a wheelchair and had to park in the bushes because the parking lot was jammed with holiday shoppers and jocks buying for themselves, I would kick some serious ass when I got there.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
I recently had a table, two women, who were clearly ready to save a lot of money as when I went over to their table I couldn't even introduce myself before they barked at me "wings are 25 cents tonight, right?!"
I corrected her stating that they were "50 cents each and not 25". To which she, of course, then said that she called ahead of time and was told otherwise. You know what, who the hell calls up and asks how many quarters wings are? Really? I can't wait to see what kind of a tip you'll be oh-so generous to leave. Anyway, that's not what this blog is about.
After clearing up the whole 50 cents versus 25 cents debate I ask if they would like blue cheese, ranch or celery and (here comes the surprise) they ask if it's extra. Of course it's extra but whatever. So they only want one each. Super.
Order in, order out, food on the table and I ask "are you guys all set...is there anything you need right now?" Answer: "No". Mk.
3 minutes later I come back to check in with them and I guess they felt that I was going to run away from the table because they felt the need to tell me they needed more blue cheese. WITH A MOUTH FULL OF BLUE CHEESE AND WINGS.
Are you kidding me? I don't need to see you chew up a dead bird with wing sauce and blue cheese...especially in your mouth full of jacked up teeth. And you know what? If I wanted to give you another blue cheese for free, I technically could, but now? Absolutely not. Chew your fucking food and fucking swallow it. I. Can. Wait. There is no need to show me how you chew. I'm not interested. No wonder you're not here on a date. Ew. Vomit. Puke.
I turned my head down because I seriously thought I was going to hurl, and headed back to the kitchen to pick up another blue cheese.
That's another 69 cents please. Next time shut your mouth and I'll hook you up.
Foul. Just foul.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
The picture may be fuzzy but the message to the women in black was clear: we are closed. See all of those chairs that are sitting upsidedown on tables? It's not a fancy new decoration and we aren't trying to invent a new way to sit...we're trying to tell you that those hours on the door aren't just numbers for fun.
The two ladies you see before you entered the restaurant while looking at the hours that were on the door...perhaps they thought we were using Central or Pacific time, but we weren't. We use Eastern time and they entered an empty restaurant 13 minutes before our closing time.
After being served dinner, we found out, those were just the appetizers and that they wanted more. Awesome, because now we're 2 minutes from closing which means that the kitchen is still open.
And once those two minutes are up, and their food is rushed to the tables, the chairs go up, the televisions go off, the signs go off, and we all sit there and count our money and wait.
15-20 minutes after "closing time"...you know, those hours that are printed directly onto the glass front doors....the ladies clad in black sit surrounded by wooden chairs and angry chicas who just want to go home.
I would never, ever, want food from a kitchen that was just about closed. I also will not eat in an empty restaurant. That's icky. But these two didn't seem to mind and they aren't alone as this happens all the time.
I can see if there's a major game on. There wasn't. I can see if the restaurant is packed. It wasn't. I can see if the weather doesn't suck completely. It did.
But come on. You know that we were closing, you came in anyway, and then you ordered apps and dinner...and then you see that no one can leave because you're still here.
You must be in the fabulous group of "I've never waited tables before".
But that's OK. Sit there. Enjoy your food. Alone.
And please enjoy the atmosphere of lights off, no music and chairs surrounding you.
Friday, October 9, 2009
I recently auditioned for a production of "Joseph" and found out last night that I was not cast. Not a big deal, as much as I would love to do the show (and be paid to do it) it will come around again and this theatre is almost two hours away from my house.
And this particular theatre is full of artistic license, that I can't wrap my head around.
They say that you can't get upset when you don't get cast becuase you never know what they are looking for. I whole heartedly believe that because there are roles I've been asked to audition for that I was convinced I was wrong for, and there are roles I didn't get that I was convinced I was perfect for.
Then there are the roles you don't get because they were pre-cast. I'm all for pre-casting, especially if you have the perfect people. For some shows, I'd even recommend it.
However, if the director or staff wants to go against the norm (really push the envelope in my opinion) then that needs to be made clear from the jump.
The only role I am interested in for "Joseph" is the narrator. In the room I was in, every single female said the same exact thing. I came to find out that the role of the narrator was going to be given to a guy.
So...is Joseph going to be played by a girl? Are we renaming the show "Josephine and her technicolor lingerie...?" I think that's a smaller leap than making the narrator a male.
Furthermore, the only featured female role in the entire show is the narrator.
There was no mention of this before the audition, at the audition, nothing. So no female there knew they were auditioning for a role that they weren't even going to be considered for.
I'm all for artistic license and being creative, but when you take for granted the time people take to audition for a show then you are wrong.
To add to this, the director that was putting together this show has since removed himself from this show. They cast the show (according to the email I received last night) after a sit down session with the former director, current musical director and choreographer. So they had a "pow-wow" and cast the show based on...I have no idea.
This is the biggest clusterfuck I've ever auditioned for. I cannot understand how you can take artistic license like this and keep it a secret. Newsflash to this theatre: there were ten women that I came in contact with that only wanted to be considered for the narrator, not including myself. It would have been awesome if you mentioned that the role isn't even up for grabs.
Oh, and if you could pay for my gas and time that I lost that day for absolutely nothing, I'd appreciate it.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
You know, I know, everyone should know, there is no other person for this job. I've worked for this company before on their show and I hosted the Men's Expo for them/lingerie runway show back in January.
It sucks that it's online voting (because I don't have 10 million myspace fans) but I do know a lot of you read this blog...so I'm going to use that to my advantage.
Round one is 32 girls which then gets down to 16...which will result in more online voting (super). I really need your help because I'm guessing a lot of these chicas have a lot of time to spend on MySpace and I don't.
Please vote and tell your friends to vote. I'll love your forever. Don't let some diva bitch win this- Vote for Daniela!!!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
I'm standing way alone on this apparently, but I often do on most topics which either makes me interesting or gets me into trouble. I don't usually blog about my personal personal life, except for my "Happy Waitress" segments, but this has got me sighing and rolling my eyes and if I don't blog about it, my head might explode...and I just got my hair cut so that would be a waste.
My better half recently won an award because he's a phenomenal piano player. Bottom line. That's it. He had no idea he was going to win and thus, he never wrote a speech. We joked about what he would say, and even thought about pulling a "Kanye" stunt because it would've been funny. But nothing was set in stone and he was convinced, though nominated twice that he wouldn't be winning.
When the winner was announced, it wasn't his name, which was fine by him because he didn't want to get up on that podium. I was bummed but what can you do. After the first acceptance speech (which neither of us really listened to) there was some hub-bub at the microphone about how it was a tie, a three-way tie. I heard this, and my better half didn't, so I had to quiet everyone down at the table which was done just in time, to hear his name be announced.
At this moment he had absolutely no idea what was going on and I had to tell him that he just won...adding more confusion because we just heard who won. So he went up to the microphone completely confused...and then made his speech.
In this speech he did a lot of thanking, of me. No, he didn't thank the cast, or pretty much anyone involved. Which is all anyone can seem to talk about.
Now, I've been snubbed in an acceptance speech before and yes, it sucks. However, again, I've never made one of these speeches and I don't know the pressure that comes with it. Adding to that, being announced as the winner when you just heard who the winner was, I would be super confused as he was. Plus, there was no speech and no plan and nothing written.
But all people can think about is "he didn't thank me".
He's never going to defend himself past "I had no idea what was going on" and frankly, if that's not enough for these people, then all I can say is...
Shut the fuck up.
You weren't up there, you don't know, you weren't in his head. You haven't been in his head for the past three years and as much as people care to think they "know" him, you have no idea.
I get being snubbed hurts. But if the people who feel they were snubbed can think nothing past their own feelings, then maybe they should remember that the next time they are up on that stage, out of nowhere, without a speech, in front of everyone....
....if it ever happens.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Today I had breakfast with my better half and we were discussing a class that should be mandatory before you are able to graduate high school: waiting tables. You should absolutely have to pass this, and screw having to pass gym because that is absolutely useless later in life...this course would be fantastic because if you're not learning how to behave in a restaurant from your parents, you can learn it in school and not be a fucking clusterass when you go out with your friends that think ordering water and fries is AOK and then tipping a dollar because you're all broke.
There are so many things that waiters have to deal with that cannot be explained. Every single shift I have some story about some ridiculous customer who probably thinks their behavior is fine and doesn't realize that a 10% tip is something that they can just keep because I'm not interested and obviously they need it more than I do.
Some people don't understand how stupid it sounds to ask if refills are free. Really? You don't have an extra $2? Great, that makes me feel wonderful about how much you're going to leave me at the end of the bill when you don't even have that money to quench your thirst.
Some people don't understand that when you sit there and deliberate your order in front of the waiter, you are keeping he/she away from other tables who probably did the exact same thing you are doing...and then when they do that and he/she doesn't get back to your table in time, you will reflect that in his/her tip when really it was your fault to begin with. When we ask "are you ready or do you need a couple of minutes?", there are two answer: yes, here's what we want or no, please come back...not, wait here while we discuss the menu in front of you because you obviously have nothing better to do like get back to your other tables who are deducting dollars from your tip because they think you are ignoring them. See?
All this and more coming in weekly editions (more if people are really retarded) of "The Happy Waitress".
Make sure you read them until there are mandatory classes that you have to take. I'm sure you all are doing something you think is normal when really, it's not and you should change. Yeah. That. Thanks.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
As most of you know, I spend a good amount of time acting, mostly in theatre. Which means I spend even more time preparing for my auditions, auditioning, and then waiting by the phone or computer for the message that I've been called back or cast. Every time a director makes a decision it's very hard for me to try to get out of their heads and figure out what their reasoning is.
A few months ago I lost out on a role that I was perfect for, and frankly, better than anyone else at the callbacks. I was told, by the director, that I didn't look like the woman that would be playing my mother, which is weird because the role I was up for is the entire show and no one really gives two shits about the mother, what she looks like, etc. To further add salt to that wound, it's a courtroom drama for all three acts and we would both be sitting...the whole time...on opposite sides of the stage. Honestly, the audience wasn't going to care about the look of either actress, and knowing the politics of this particular theatre and how spineless this director is, I know that the reason I wasn't cast was because he caved. Unless he's one of those directors that doesn't cast based on talent level...I've never met one of those directors but I've heard they are out there.
The funny thing about that show is that I was practically begged to come out an audition and at the callback it was quite obvious I was the perfect choice. PS. I never say such arrogant remarks like that, it was just that clear. So it's frustrating in situations like that when you don't get cast because you feel you wasted your time. Which I did.
But I digress....
In my audition chaos, I recently auditioned for a show that I am not only fond of, but I feel, very good for. This show does rely on the interaction, looks, and chemistry of all the characters. It's a puzzle and everyone has to fit, so I believe.
I felt my audition was solid (aside from the really awful accompianist...though I am spoiled having the best piano player in the world living under my roof as my better half...) and I just found out I wasn't called back.
I've been on the fence and it is heavily debated how people should be contacted or not contacted if the director is not interested. Should a phone call even be made? Is it better to leave actors in the dark? Does it depend on the venue in which the show is being done?
I find that I'd rather not know in most instances. I'd rather never hear from them again until another audition notice goes up. Don't call me to turn me down, don't email, just don't bother. It's OK. I'm a big girl and I can handle it (because I can always smoke a cigar and have a glass/bottle of wine)....I've gotten my fair share of good roles, and fantastic opportunities and I eventually realize that God has a plan and that's what I trust in.
But let's talk about how crappy email is. You cannot hear tone, you cannot see expressions...it's black and white, yet people find all the colors of the rainbows in it...they hear what they want to hear, they disect it, they bring it to their friends to disect it...it's a clusterfuck basically. I've grown to hate communication via email, text, etc. I like this blog because I think you can hear my tone, and for those of you that know me, you absolutely can hear me.
So this show that I feel I'm perfect for...I just checked my email after having worked a 14 hour day yesterday. I see the subject line: "Callbacks for Little Shop".
Think about it. What does that subject line say to you?
"Callbacks for Little Shop."
Just process it. I can wait.
Body of the email?
"If you see your name on the below list you have been called back..."
(yeah....my name wasn't there...I checked about 40 times thinking I must have missed it....you know how it is when you want to see your name and you read and read the list over again because you simply must be missing it..after all, no way would your name JUMP out at you because you're used to seeing what it looks like...you must have missed it...)
Here's the issue: that subject line sucks. No one really thinks of a subject line, no one really gives it more than a nano-second of thought...but that nano-second is an eternity and from the time you see it to the time you read the body of the email you are so excited to see callback details.
What you see is a list, without your name basically saying "if your name is on this list you've been called back...if not, you haven't, regardless of how awesome you thought the subject line was."
It's weird, for a soceity so dependent on email, text, anything to avoid face to face or telephone conversation, we're still pretty sucky at it.
I never even thought about this type of situation popping up...but I know I will now be more careful with regard to my subject lines when sending emails, and maybe, if you're reading this, you will too.
Monday, July 20, 2009
There we have it: stay in the crosswalk. Or at least that's what I take from it, and it seems many others do as well. (Yes, there are other ways to jaywalk but we're not talking about that right now)..If not, why have the crosswalks in the first place? Why not just run (nay, walk) across 6th Avenue perpendicular to traffic?
Why not? Because you could die is why not.
I'm a fan of driving in NYC. It's aggressive, it takes skill, and I think it's sexy. The pedestrians seem to know the rules, know when to cross and where to cross. Last week however, as I was turning onto 6th from 30 something or other, three girls came flouncing out into the middle of the road.
The. Middle. Of. The. Road. Not where the white lines are are the corners, but right in the middle.
I absolutely did not have enough time to stop so I slowed down as much as I could and swerved to the left where no one else was. Then I stopped at the red light.
PS, it's summer and my windows and sunroof are allllll open. This will prove to be a bad idea in NYC.
I catch a quick look of death from the three girls that are jaywalking across 6th but whatever, I figured that would be it.
It wasn't, or else this blog wouldn't be here.
So the leader of the pack decides to shout in my direction "take off the sunglasses princess."...and then she scurries off because it's easier to shout at me and run because I am, afterall, behind the wheel of a car...
And I shout back to her: "don't jaywalk and use the crosswalk like everyone else."
She turns around, does the little neck head movement thing and says "oh really?"
To which I say "yes really. See those white lines over there? Everyone else manages to use them and perhaps you should give it a shot."
She then looks at my license plate and says "Ok Jersey" (PS she is still in the middle of 6th Ave. SIXTH AVENUE!!!!)...and I say "Ok Jersey? It's a NYC law that you cannot jaywalk you complete and total moron."
I then drive away because the light is now green. I make sure she can't use the crosswalk until after I get through the light.
Here's the thing....as annoying as some drivers can be, I would never go up against one while on foot. Furthermore, I wouldn't do what she did in the middle of a super busy street, especially in NYC. Unless I completely lost both my mind and desire to live.
This whole situation had me shaking my head the entire drive down saying "really? no really?"...and there was no one in the car with me...which is a shame, because you really had to see this. But I hope I painted one hell of a picture...next time you're on 6 and 30 something, think of this story and I guarantee you'll laugh.
Oh, and please stay in the lines.
Friday, July 17, 2009
The people on the train are strange at best. Many have no idea that there is anyone else on the train. It doesn't matter if you're sitting right next to them, they have no idea that you are there.
How do I know this? Because many of them have yet to grasp the concept of the indoor voice. Either that or they really think that I care about how many shades of lowlights they recently put in their hair or what is on their grocery list.
It's interesting as well that the voices get louder once a cell phone comes into play. Just because the person on the other end might actually be 500 miles away, it doesn't mean your voice needs to get to the volume of extremely loud and annoying to reach them. You're both on the phone. Trust me, they can hear you...unless you're going through a tunnel right now which I hope you are because your call will be dropped...because not even the universe wants to hear what you have to say.
And trust me, no one else on the train does either.
...then again listening to "fat or pregnant", some game that 6 Australians came up with, while passing through Newark was entertaining...
So let's all remember back to 1st grade and use our indoor voices...and the train will be a much happier ride.
Unless it's late. Which it often is.
Better than hitting jaywalkers though, and parking for 10 minutes and spending $80 in less than an hour for a three minute go-see.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
The season finale of "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" aired last night...and like any other good train wreck, I had to watch. Being from New Jersey...living here for the past 28 years (4 years at college out of state but that doesn't count)...I had to see this show.
Not unlike most reality shows, there is nothing real about this. I'm sure the producers were really concerned that you think it is real, but these are the housewives of Franklin Lakes and some of Bergen County. Not New Jersey.
First we had The Sopranos which painted The Garden State as the Smokestack Mob Run State...and now we have these women who make New Jersey housewives look like stuck up prima donnas who have no idea what struggle is about...frankly, I prefer how The Sopranos made the state look.
I'm not all about Jersey pride, but this is a little ridiculous. No one acts like this. Having worked in matrimonial law for two affluent law firms, I have seen some of the most spoiled brats ever. I've seen clients come into the office in their tennis uniforms, on the way to their pedicure, coming back from their latest vacation on some island...all of which paid for by their hardworking husbands....these same women of course wondered why their husbands cheated on them and filed for divorce, but it was no mystery to me.
There are 21 counties in this state. I've been to every single one. Some counties are richer than others and are homes to women like these. One county that comes to mind is of course, Bergen County, specifically Franklin Lakes, where these women were from.
Some housewives are like them. Some. But this wasn't "real"....there are housewives that get up early to take their kids to school with no make up on..housewives that spend the day cleaning the house...where were they?
I suppose that wouldn't attract an audience like this did. Of course not. But these women are a piece of work...and as much as I enjoyed watching this disaster unfold...watching these classless women who decide that "class" is equivalent to how much money you i.e. your husband has...these aren't the real housewives. They are a small percentage, a very very small percentage.
...and I bet they will all be filming "divorced housechicks of NJ" in a year or two....