Friday, October 16, 2009

Happy Waitress: Closing Time...

The picture may be fuzzy but the message to the women in black was clear: we are closed. See all of those chairs that are sitting upsidedown on tables? It's not a fancy new decoration and we aren't trying to invent a new way to sit...we're trying to tell you that those hours on the door aren't just numbers for fun.

The two ladies you see before you entered the restaurant while looking at the hours that were on the door...perhaps they thought we were using Central or Pacific time, but we weren't. We use Eastern time and they entered an empty restaurant 13 minutes before our closing time.

After being served dinner, we found out, those were just the appetizers and that they wanted more. Awesome, because now we're 2 minutes from closing which means that the kitchen is still open.

And once those two minutes are up, and their food is rushed to the tables, the chairs go up, the televisions go off, the signs go off, and we all sit there and count our money and wait.

And wait.


15-20 minutes after "closing time" know, those hours that are printed directly onto the glass front doors....the ladies clad in black sit surrounded by wooden chairs and angry chicas who just want to go home.

I would never, ever, want food from a kitchen that was just about closed. I also will not eat in an empty restaurant. That's icky. But these two didn't seem to mind and they aren't alone as this happens all the time.

I can see if there's a major game on. There wasn't. I can see if the restaurant is packed. It wasn't. I can see if the weather doesn't suck completely. It did.

But come on. You know that we were closing, you came in anyway, and then you ordered apps and dinner...and then you see that no one can leave because you're still here.

You must be in the fabulous group of "I've never waited tables before".

But that's OK. Sit there. Enjoy your food. Alone.

And please enjoy the atmosphere of lights off, no music and chairs surrounding you.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Artistic License

Theatre is very interesting. Full of opinions, ideas, conversations...and artistic license.

I recently auditioned for a production of "Joseph" and found out last night that I was not cast. Not a big deal, as much as I would love to do the show (and be paid to do it) it will come around again and this theatre is almost two hours away from my house.

And this particular theatre is full of artistic license, that I can't wrap my head around.

They say that you can't get upset when you don't get cast becuase you never know what they are looking for. I whole heartedly believe that because there are roles I've been asked to audition for that I was convinced I was wrong for, and there are roles I didn't get that I was convinced I was perfect for.

Then there are the roles you don't get because they were pre-cast. I'm all for pre-casting, especially if you have the perfect people. For some shows, I'd even recommend it.

However, if the director or staff wants to go against the norm (really push the envelope in my opinion) then that needs to be made clear from the jump.

The only role I am interested in for "Joseph" is the narrator. In the room I was in, every single female said the same exact thing. I came to find out that the role of the narrator was going to be given to a guy. Joseph going to be played by a girl? Are we renaming the show "Josephine and her technicolor lingerie...?" I think that's a smaller leap than making the narrator a male.

Furthermore, the only featured female role in the entire show is the narrator.

There was no mention of this before the audition, at the audition, nothing. So no female there knew they were auditioning for a role that they weren't even going to be considered for.

I'm all for artistic license and being creative, but when you take for granted the time people take to audition for a show then you are wrong.

To add to this, the director that was putting together this show has since removed himself from this show. They cast the show (according to the email I received last night) after a sit down session with the former director, current musical director and choreographer. So they had a "pow-wow" and cast the show based on...I have no idea.

This is the biggest clusterfuck I've ever auditioned for. I cannot understand how you can take artistic license like this and keep it a secret. Newsflash to this theatre: there were ten women that I came in contact with that only wanted to be considered for the narrator, not including myself. It would have been awesome if you mentioned that the role isn't even up for grabs.

Oh, and if you could pay for my gas and time that I lost that day for absolutely nothing, I'd appreciate it.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Stupid questions you've asked a waitress

Since Jess has told me I'm slacking on my Happy Waitress Blog (she's right) I'm here to blog...lucky you :P

The Happy Waitress- Stupid Things You've Asked....

At almost every restaurant I've been in I have been seated by a host or hostess. They put me at a table, I sit there, order, eat, leave (a tip) and that's it. Unless there is a screaming child next to me or someone simply too obnoxious to sit next too (I'm all for drinking, but if I catch you making an ass of yourself on a Monday at 1pm, I'll video it and put it on youtube), then I will ask to move. But other than that, where you put me, I'm staying.

And so should you. Why? Because there are sections in a restaurant and when you ask to move or even worse, get your ass up and move yourself (and then bitch that no one has come over....newsflash, we didn't know you moved, we're not psychics) you are taking away a table from the waitress who had that section (most likely).

Stupid question number 1:

"Can I sit over there?" *points to table 40 miles away from where they were sat*

I've been asked numerous times before if refills were free. This questions sends pangs of "OMG if you can't afford a $2 drink, you are probably going to leave me less than that as a tip". Last night, that question was topped by a table of "so cool teenagers (the type of guys I went to highschool with that are now either in jail or still living at home not making money) that ordered two sodas...there were five of them. When I asked the others what they would like I received a resounding "naw- I'm good yo." Your parents should be proud. To top it off, they each ordered the special (no surprise there) and one asked "does it come with a drink". I examined my uniform, saw that it didn't say "McDonald's" on it and replied that no, it does not come with drink or toy as we are not a fast food restaurant.

Stupid question number 2:

"Does this meal come with a drink?"

NJ State Law says that you have to have an ID proving your age while drinking at a bar/restaurant. Our restaurant has a sign that is four feet tall (seriously) that explains this. We therefore card everyone. Every-one. I get carded when I drink there off my shift.

What I super-duper appreciate is the one-liners/jokes/almost witty but not really remarks that people choose to make because I have the nerve to card them. Dear "I don't know the law and chose to ignore the four foot tall sign by the front door and think I'm cute anyway" person: The longer you keep me at your table busting my chops, the longer I'm away from other tables. The longer I'm away from other tables, the faster my tip goes does. So when I'm not back at your table lickity-split, please remember that it's probably because someone thought they were just as cute as you and they are giving me a hard time about me carding them.

Here's a thought, when you're asked for your id, show it. Don't give the waitress a look like she just asked for a kidney...especially when she handles your food.

Stupid Question Number 3:

"Why do I have to show you my ID?"

Tipping is very interesting and many people think that less than 10% is appropriate, event when they get the best service. I've been to other places, and trust me, my service is better than most. Plus, the restaurant I work at, you're staring at my tits and ass, and getting food that you could get anywhere else, or even at a diner. But let's face it, you're there to look at the waitresses, not because the food is five stars. So how about showing it at the end of the night?

A $50 bill does not mean a $3 tip. No, it doesn't. It means $6-$10. Yes, yes it does. Why? Because we have to tip out....but this question isn't about tipping. It's about what happens when you don't, and you get your food wrapped...and you leave it there as everyone often does.

If you leave less than 10%, get your food wrapped and then forget it...and then remember it, and then come running back in for it 3 minutes later, the dumbest question you could possibly ask is:

"Is my food still on the table?"

Answer: No, I threw it out. Next time don't be so cheap.

This concludes my Happy Waitress section on "Stupid Questions".



Vote For Me!!

OK guys...I'm in a contest for WRAT, which is a radio station down the shore in Jersey. They are having ONE girl be a spokesmodel for the year, which means interviews, radio spots, the possibilities are endless.

You know, I know, everyone should know, there is no other person for this job. I've worked for this company before on their show and I hosted the Men's Expo for them/lingerie runway show back in January.

It sucks that it's online voting (because I don't have 10 million myspace fans) but I do know a lot of you read this I'm going to use that to my advantage.

Round one is 32 girls which then gets down to 16...which will result in more online voting (super). I really need your help because I'm guessing a lot of these chicas have a lot of time to spend on MySpace and I don't.

Please vote and tell your friends to vote. I'll love your forever. Don't let some diva bitch win this- Vote for Daniela!!!