I've decided that a part of this blog needs to get offtrack and be named "The Happy Waitress"....because as many of you know, that's what I do to keep my bank account afloat.
Today I had breakfast with my better half and we were discussing a class that should be mandatory before you are able to graduate high school: waiting tables. You should absolutely have to pass this, and screw having to pass gym because that is absolutely useless later in life...this course would be fantastic because if you're not learning how to behave in a restaurant from your parents, you can learn it in school and not be a fucking clusterass when you go out with your friends that think ordering water and fries is AOK and then tipping a dollar because you're all broke.
There are so many things that waiters have to deal with that cannot be explained. Every single shift I have some story about some ridiculous customer who probably thinks their behavior is fine and doesn't realize that a 10% tip is something that they can just keep because I'm not interested and obviously they need it more than I do.
Some people don't understand how stupid it sounds to ask if refills are free. Really? You don't have an extra $2? Great, that makes me feel wonderful about how much you're going to leave me at the end of the bill when you don't even have that money to quench your thirst.
Some people don't understand that when you sit there and deliberate your order in front of the waiter, you are keeping he/she away from other tables who probably did the exact same thing you are doing...and then when they do that and he/she doesn't get back to your table in time, you will reflect that in his/her tip when really it was your fault to begin with. When we ask "are you ready or do you need a couple of minutes?", there are two answer: yes, here's what we want or no, please come back...not, wait here while we discuss the menu in front of you because you obviously have nothing better to do like get back to your other tables who are deducting dollars from your tip because they think you are ignoring them. See?
All this and more coming in weekly editions (more if people are really retarded) of "The Happy Waitress".
Make sure you read them until there are mandatory classes that you have to take. I'm sure you all are doing something you think is normal when really, it's not and you should change. Yeah. That. Thanks.