Thursday, October 8, 2009

Stupid questions you've asked a waitress

Since Jess has told me I'm slacking on my Happy Waitress Blog (she's right) I'm here to blog...lucky you :P

The Happy Waitress- Stupid Things You've Asked....

At almost every restaurant I've been in I have been seated by a host or hostess. They put me at a table, I sit there, order, eat, leave (a tip) and that's it. Unless there is a screaming child next to me or someone simply too obnoxious to sit next too (I'm all for drinking, but if I catch you making an ass of yourself on a Monday at 1pm, I'll video it and put it on youtube), then I will ask to move. But other than that, where you put me, I'm staying.

And so should you. Why? Because there are sections in a restaurant and when you ask to move or even worse, get your ass up and move yourself (and then bitch that no one has come over....newsflash, we didn't know you moved, we're not psychics) you are taking away a table from the waitress who had that section (most likely).

Stupid question number 1:

"Can I sit over there?" *points to table 40 miles away from where they were sat*

I've been asked numerous times before if refills were free. This questions sends pangs of "OMG if you can't afford a $2 drink, you are probably going to leave me less than that as a tip". Last night, that question was topped by a table of "so cool teenagers (the type of guys I went to highschool with that are now either in jail or still living at home not making money) that ordered two sodas...there were five of them. When I asked the others what they would like I received a resounding "naw- I'm good yo." Your parents should be proud. To top it off, they each ordered the special (no surprise there) and one asked "does it come with a drink". I examined my uniform, saw that it didn't say "McDonald's" on it and replied that no, it does not come with drink or toy as we are not a fast food restaurant.

Stupid question number 2:

"Does this meal come with a drink?"

NJ State Law says that you have to have an ID proving your age while drinking at a bar/restaurant. Our restaurant has a sign that is four feet tall (seriously) that explains this. We therefore card everyone. Every-one. I get carded when I drink there off my shift.

What I super-duper appreciate is the one-liners/jokes/almost witty but not really remarks that people choose to make because I have the nerve to card them. Dear "I don't know the law and chose to ignore the four foot tall sign by the front door and think I'm cute anyway" person: The longer you keep me at your table busting my chops, the longer I'm away from other tables. The longer I'm away from other tables, the faster my tip goes does. So when I'm not back at your table lickity-split, please remember that it's probably because someone thought they were just as cute as you and they are giving me a hard time about me carding them.

Here's a thought, when you're asked for your id, show it. Don't give the waitress a look like she just asked for a kidney...especially when she handles your food.

Stupid Question Number 3:

"Why do I have to show you my ID?"

Tipping is very interesting and many people think that less than 10% is appropriate, event when they get the best service. I've been to other places, and trust me, my service is better than most. Plus, the restaurant I work at, you're staring at my tits and ass, and getting food that you could get anywhere else, or even at a diner. But let's face it, you're there to look at the waitresses, not because the food is five stars. So how about showing it at the end of the night?

A $50 bill does not mean a $3 tip. No, it doesn't. It means $6-$10. Yes, yes it does. Why? Because we have to tip out....but this question isn't about tipping. It's about what happens when you don't, and you get your food wrapped...and you leave it there as everyone often does.

If you leave less than 10%, get your food wrapped and then forget it...and then remember it, and then come running back in for it 3 minutes later, the dumbest question you could possibly ask is:

"Is my food still on the table?"

Answer: No, I threw it out. Next time don't be so cheap.

This concludes my Happy Waitress section on "Stupid Questions".



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